i could never hate you
by acomplexgirlwithsimpletastes
Summary: When Petunia left, Harry felt she wanted to tell him something. She did.


_A/N: This is the way I wish things had gone between Petunia and Lily, because everyone deserves the chance to speak. _

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**i could never hate you**

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You hate her because of her world. You hate her world because it took her away.

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She was your best friend. You played together hopscotch, chess and picked flowers. You were the only person who knew when she had her very first crush. She was the only person who knew that you liked your teacher more than just a teacher. You still loved her when she was doing those strange things like making flowers bloom and when she befriended that black haired boy. You still loved her when she got her letter and you didn't, although it hurt, you knew you would still be best friends.

But then she changed. She was still Lily, but not yours anymore. There was this whole sparkle about her filled with magic and happiness. It glowed about her face. She gushed about wands and toads, owls and spells and wizards and witches. You listened with rapt attention, but you didn't understand. It was like a marathon. She was running so far ahead, towards a place that you could never enter, and you were left behind, staring after her.

You didn't understand what was happening here, except that your younger sister could do strange things which no one else could, but you loved her still, because a sisterhood and friendship of eleven years isn't just forgotten like that. Then something made you wake up and see the rift.

She received an owl. An owl flew into your house, dropped her letter and swooped off to stay on a couch in the Living Room. Lily said that is was the way witches and wizards received and sent mail. You stared at your own letter, picked up from the mailbox. You saw your parents looking bewildered but excited and you finally saw --- Lily was part of something else now. She was part of something you could never be part of. She was now part of a different world.

She was brilliant in that world, even more brilliant than she was in this one. She was praised by her teachers, became a prefect and eventually became Head Girl. Your realization of this rift grew bigger with the years that passed. Soon, the rift grew bigger, until the gap between you and she was so wide, you could have screamed and screamed and she never would have heard you. But then again, you never tried.

She did. She reached out, time and time again, but you were so bewildered with the differences you denied her and soon confusion gave way to mistrust of all these strange things, resentment, dislike and finally, hatred. You hated all these freaks that could do things with the swish of a wand. You hated their customs and their ways, their spells and their wands, their toads and owls. You longed for normalcy, longed for the childish memories when there was no such thing as magic, except perhaps in books.

But you hated the world, not the girl. So that first statement is wrong, you realize. You hated the world for taking her away, for captivating her so much that she immersed herself in it, drowned herself in it --- immersed herself in it so much that she was killed. But you could not hate the girl.

She died because of that world.

You will never forgive her for living that life and enjoying it, but will always hate the world for taking her into it. You never hated Lily and you doubt you ever could. You're sorry you never tried to truly understand.

That is what you long to tell this green eyed, black haired boy, that you never hated his mother and that you could never truly hate him. But the words and feelings have been suppressed so long that you know they will never truly come out, so you simply stare at him for a moment and nod. There's a flash of something in his green eyes, something so akin to his mother that you almost decide to say it and blurt it out. But you don't.

As you walk away, you pray he understands and you pray that wherever Lily is right now, she listens and she accepts.

I don't hate you, you think. I don't. Then after awhile, Good luck, Harry. Something in you tells you that your nephew's time is almost out. But for Lily's sake, you close your eyes and hope. For Lily's sake, you hope he survives. For Lily's sake, you've held on to this revelation which you've had for a long time, hoping that one day you'll have to chance to say it to her yourself.

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I could never hate you, sister.

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End file.
